My Life is My Choice: Deprogramming from the amerikkkan Nightmare
I’ve known that my life is rooted in choice(s) for quite some time now. From the first time I chose to care for my mother instead of going outside to play kickball with my neighbors at 10 years old. Yet, it wasn’t until recently that I’ve come to innerstand the magnitude of what that means.
In recent years, mostly since the pandemic, I’ve found myself struggling to acknowledge and celebrate Black History Month with the same fervor as I have for most of my life. The more I reflect, the more I realize that I’ve always felt disconnected from it in some way. Despite it being fought for by our ancestors and elders, it has always felt like a pleading for acceptance from our oppressors masked as a celebration of Blackness.
And here lately, I’ve found myself asking:
What is Blackness?
What does it mean to be Black?
Why do I feel like this label no longer fits me?
Is my identity a choice? My choice?
Exploring this further, I began to study race as a social construct. I quickly began to feel confirmation about my wondering. Yet, I also felt alone within my world, now wondering if there was a safe space to explore these thoughts further. If I start talking about denying or denouncing being Black/Blackness, what does that mean for the culture I’ve come to know and love? Will I further alienate myself, and become an even larger target for hatred bred from apathy, misunderstanding, and the internalized oppression of others?
And what does all of this mean for my identity? I believe that knowing my true origins will give me biological proof of where and who I come from going back as far as can be traced. Yet, knowing who I am and what I stand for isn’t solely rooted in my biology; it also stems from an experiential, spiritual, and communal space.
It has nothing to do with my “race.”
““Race,” as construed since then and now, refers to the classification of humans based on phenotype —observable physical differences —which are assumed to reflect inherent biological differences. “Race” has been used to justify the exploitation, denigration, and decimation of groups of people throughout our history.”
We’ve been sold a nightmare dressed as a dream. Convinced that we need saving. Controlled to be inactive. Contained in our misery.
“The thing is, to be American means knowing you’re the hero. So what do we do? We sweep all our filthy sh”t under the rug and we tell ourselves a myth...and get stinking rich selling it.”
At this stage in my life, to claim Black, or any other oppressor-given label, as (part of) my identity is a disservice to myself and those who came before me in the fight for the liberation of oppressed people.
From Malcolm to Marcus, to Martin, and from Assata to Angela, to Audre…we have copious examples of what it means to transcend the constructs of race/racism, and the vast number of -isms that plague our world, to define what freedom means for us as melanated people. As oppressed people.
Because of them, I learned that what I choose to answer to, who I choose to be, and how I choose to live is ultimately up to me.
Unless the choice is made for me.
References & Resources
Race Is a Social Construct, Scientists Argue, Scientific American
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